


Just Your Heart, in Exchange for Mine

by glassclosetcastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dean in Denial, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Humor, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, One Shot, Sad, Sad Dean, Season/Series 09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 19:51:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2360186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassclosetcastiel/pseuds/glassclosetcastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam notices something peculiar about the angel fall spell, and confronts Castiel and Dean about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Your Heart, in Exchange for Mine

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was basically just an excuse to explain my headcanon about the angel fall spell. Set in a vaguely canon-divergent post-8x23 time, where Dean doesn't have the mark and angels have their wings back.

"I'm gonna get some grub," Dean says, heading for the stairs. "You want anything?"

Sam is hunched over his computer. He doesn't look up when he replies, "no, I'm good."

"Alright, I'll be back," Dean calls from the door, and leaves.

Sam waits a minute or two before he shuts the laptop and heads for his bedroom. He closes the door and sits on his bed. "Hey, Cas, if you're listening, I need to talk to you about something." He looks at the ceiling as he speaks, as if Castiel will come from above. A moment later, there comes a slight fluttering of wings, and Castiel is behind him.

"Hello, Sam," the angel greets him.

"Hey, Cas," Sam replies, turning to face him. "Look, I've been thinking about something. Do you have a minute?"

"I have several," Castiel says, and comes to sit at the desk across from Sam's bed.

"Okay. Well," Sam begins, scratching his head, unsure how to begin, "I've been thinking about the angel fall spell. You know how there were three ingredients?" He lists them off on his fingers. "There was a cupid's bow, a Nephilim, and an angel's grace, right?" Castiel nods. "And I can see how all of those things go together. Cupids are angels, Nephilim are the half-human offspring of angels, and grace is… well, what makes an angel an angel. So they're all angel-related things. But did you ever think that maybe there was a reason that the spell required those _specific_ angel-related things? Like maybe they all fit together?"

Castiel sighs. "I had come to that conclusion myself." 

Sam's eyes light up with curiosity. "So you do think they're related?"

"I believe so," Castiel replies. "I began to question the ingredients shortly after the fall. Why _my_ grace? It was considerably more difficult for Metatron to take my grace than it would have been to take another angel's. If the spell only required an angel's grace, I don't believe he would have gone to such lengths to take mine. Metatron had many lower-level angels at his disposal. There is really only one reason that he would need my grace for the spell. It seems to fit the pattern."

Sam nods, clearly having had the same line of thought. "So," he furrows his brow, still uncertain. "Is it true?"

Castiel's gaze lowers to the floor. "It is," he confirms, and the two share a silent moment of sad understanding.

"Are you gonna tell him?" Sam asks, after a minute.

Castiel looks up at Sam and cocks his head, thoughtfully. "Do you think that's wise?"

Sam laughs, smoothing his hair. "I don't know, man. I mean, to be honest with you, I think, deep down, he probably already knows. It's just a matter of admitting it to himself."

Castiel says nothing. Both he and Sam know that Dean has become a loose canon in recent years.

After a beat, Sam pats his thighs and announces, "I'll tell him." He sees the hope and fear that light up the angel's face. It's interesting, now that Castiel has experienced mortality for a time, to see how the intricacies of human emotion have affected him. "If you want me to," Sam adds.

Castiel thinks for a moment. "Yes. That would be best," he decides. "Dean should know."

Sam nods his agreement.

"Thank you," Castiel says, looking anxious. "I'll be in Jerusalem." And he is gone.

Sam exhales deeply and gets up to head for the kitchen. He stands against the counter, waiting for Dean.

\--

About ten minutes later, Sam hears the bunker door slam shut. "Honey, I'm home!" Dean calls. Sam breathes out, nervously. He hopes to God that Dean got himself some pie, because he's going to need it. His brother appears in the kitchen doorway carrying two white paper sacks. "Hey," he says, dropping the food on the counter.

"Hey, Dean," Sam says. He waits patiently for Dean to unwrap his food and arrange it on plates, noticing that _yes, good,_ he did get himself a slice of cherry pie. 

"What's up, man?" Dean asks, glancing up at him curiously. "You look… weird… er than usual." Dean laughs at his own joke and takes a gigantic bite out of his burger.

Sam clears his throat. "Um. I need to talk to you about something."

"Oh, great," Dean grumbles through a mouthful. "What is it now?"

"Can we sit?" Sam asks, and Dean rolls his eyes but abliges by following his brother out to the tables in the foyer. They sit across from one another.

"What?" Deans asks, angrily stuffing french fries into his mouth.

"Okay," Sam begins. "You know the angel fall spell?"

"Yeah."

"The three ingredients," Sam ticks them off on his fingers again, "a cupid's bow, a Nephilim, and an angel's grace. Right?" Dean nods. "Well, I got to thinking, why those three things, you know? It seemed like some sort of purposeful arrangement. Spells are usually a sort of… puzzle, almost. Their ingredients each make up a piece. You have to have certain pieces to achieve the right result."

Dean gives Sam a glassy-eyed stare as he chews. "Is there a point to all this?" He asks.

Sam frowns at Dean, regretting his decision to be the one to deliver this news. He sighs, and decides to take a different tack. "Okay. So let's say that they all go together like a puzzle. Like a three-sided puzzle. They all have to fit together. So the first piece is a cupid's bow." He holds his hand up as if grasping the puzzle piece. "What does a cupid do? He is responsible for setting up two people to fall in love. So there's that. Then, the second piece," he brings his other hand to meet the first, as if to join the two puzzle pieces, "is a Nephilim. What's a Nephilim?" He surges onward before Dean can make a snide remark. "A Nephilim is the product of the union of an angel and a human. So those two pieces fit together, right?" Sam interlaces his fingers, demonstrating. "A cupid makes two people fall in love, a Nephilim is the theoretical product of that love, okay. Now," he pauses for dramatic effect, holding up his hand one last time, "the final piece. An angel's grace." Sam holds out the last invisible puzzle piece to Dean, as if trying to get him to see it for what it is. Sam is determined to make Dean understand without having to spell it out for him, but Dean's gaze remains neutral. "How does an angel's grace fit into the puzzle?"

Dean swallows his last fries. "Because, I don't know, cupids are angels, they have grace, the angel that made the Nephilim has grace…" 

Sam sighs. "No, see, it doesn't fit the pattern. Why would the second piece need to be Nephilim if the only way the second and third pieces related was because the parent was an angel?" 

Dean furrows his brow, clearly lost. "Um. What?"

Sam slides his hands down his face in frustration. "Alright, think about this. Why Cas? Why did Metatron take _his_ grace for the spell?"

"I don't know," Dean shrugs. "He has it out for the guy?"

"But that's just it," Sam counters. "He has it out for Cas because he's so important. If all he needed for the spell was a regular angel's grace, don't you think he would have chosen an easier, more accessible, less important angel? Just think of all the hoops he had to jump through to get to Castiel."

Dean appears to mull this over, still not putting two and two together. "Okay, so, why did he go after Cas?"

Sam sighs again in disbelief at his brother's obliviousness. "Because Cas is in love with a human," he finally spits out. Dean just stares. "The third piece of the puzzle is the grace of an angel who is in love with a human. You see how it all fits together now?"

Dean looks up at the ceiling, assembling the puzzle in his mind. "Yeah, okay, but why do you think Cas is in love with a human?"

"Oh my GOD, Dean," Sam almost shouts. "He's in love with **you!** "

Dean's face is a jumble of emotions, and the effect is so comical that Sam almost laughs. "He's in love with you, Dean," Sam assures him.

Dean says nothing, but his face is red. Sam exhales, waiting patiently for a response. A few moments pass before Dean returns Sam's gaze. "Cas…" he begins, furrowing his brow again. "Cas is in _love_ with me?"

"Oh come _on,_ Dean," Sam says, incredulous. "Don't tell me you don't feel it, too."

At this, his brother jerks his head back, contorting his face into a look of utter denial. "I'm sorry, _what?_ "

Sam gives Dean a look that clearly communicates, _don't pull that crap with me, I am your brother and I know you better than anyone, don't lie to me._

"What?!" Dean exclaims, balling up the paper hamburger wrapper on his plate.

"Dean," Sam intones. "I know you hate talking about your feelings, but look." Dean rolls his eyes. "I've known for a long time, okay? You don't have to lie to me anymore. You don't have to lie to yourself."

Dean looks down at the table and clenches his jaw. "I can't do this, Sammy," he says, after a beat.

"What? Why?" Sam asks, trying to catch his brother's eye.

"You know why," Dean says. "It's the same reason you left Amelia. The same reason I left Cassie, and Lisa and Ben." Sam understands, and he's crushed to hear his brother describe it. He's felt it, too. "If we're just friends, it's cool, you know," Dean begins, and Sam feels like he might see tears welling in his brothers' eyes, but he can't be sure. "Our friends are in danger, but that's that. I can't love him, Sammy. You know that. Everyone I love… dies." Dean sniffs, and Sam pinches his lips together in concern.

"Yeah, but Dean," he reaches out and grasps Dean's shoulder, "this is different. This is Cas we're talking about, you know? Amelia, Cassie, Lisa, they were just regular people. They didn't know the first thing about any of this." He made a sweeping gesture to the multitude of books on the shelves. "We had no choice but to step out of their lives because they wouldn't have been able to handle it. But Cas… Cas is powerful. Cas was God for a while, you know?" He laughs to diffuse the tension. "Dean. I get it. I've felt it, too. And you're right, it is why I left Amelia. I knew I could never have a normal, apple pie kind of life. This crap was always going to follow us, and I couldn't put her through that. But Cas is a part of this. A part of _us._ He can fight. He's saved both of our asses, more than once." Dean smiles a bit at this, though it doesn't reach his eyes. "And he's in love with you, dude. He has _literally_ given up Heaven and Earth for you. I know you'd do the same for him."

Sam sits back and watches his brother process all of this. "You know I'm right," Sam says, quietly, and he gets up from the table, leaving Dean to sit and think.

\--

A few hours later, Dean closes himself into his bedroom, and paces back and forth. He sits on his bed for a moment but pops right back up, pacing again. Suddenly, he feels a breeze at his back, and Castiel is there. "Hello, Dean," Castiel says. He stays across the room, hanging back, waiting to gauge Dean's reaction to his presence.

Dean slumps onto his bed, exhaling. "Hey, Cas," he says. "Did Sam send for you?"

"Yes," Castiel admits.

Dean nods. "So," he begins, not looking at the angel. "It's true, then?"

Castiel says nothing until Dean looks up at him, his eyes shining. "Yes, Dean."

"And you're not going anywhere?"

Castiel furrows his brow and cocks his head. "What do you mean?"

"You'll never leave me? You'll never go off and play God again? You'll never purposely keep yourself in purgatory while I fight tooth and nail to get you out? You'll never regret loving me and decide you want to go be an angel in heaven again and leave all of us humans behind?"

Castiel sighs heavily, feeling the full weight of his previous actions, and how much they've affected Dean. He goes to stand in front of his companion, taking the man's scruffy face in his hand and tilting it up so that their eyes meet. "Dean, I could never leave you again. It's…" he pauses, searching for the words. "It's unbearable."

"Good," Dean says, leaving his face in the angel's hand, "you'd better not, you feathery asshole."

Castiel smiles, then, as it seems that all is well and things will be alright. "I love you, Dean," he says.

Dean, in response, reaches up and pulls the angel's face down to meet his own. They kiss delicately, tentatively, but passionately. When he pulls away, Dean searches Castiel's crystal blue eyes. "Don't ever change," he tells his angel.

**Author's Note:**

> "You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say is... I think I love you. Is this love? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."
> 
> -Stardust


End file.
